Ah, New Caledonia! Its paradisiacal beaches, its blue lagoon… and its riots. It was in this dream setting that our CRS were sent in May 2024. They were not there for a vacation, but to restore order. However, some officers might have taken the opportunity to do more than just maintain order… The result? An emergency return, but not because of the riots.
According to Le Canard enchaîné, about ten CRS officers were affected by a much more embarrassing issue than mere social tension: gonorrhea. This infection, affectionately nicknamed “the clap,” made headlines. Apparently, between two patrols, our valiant defenders of public order made a little stop at a nightclub known to be “hot.” The result? A one-way ticket to a sexually transmitted infection. And a hasty return home, in the utmost discretion of course. One avoids lingering on such details when wearing the uniform, right?
According to the famous satirical newspaper, the officers were staying in a chic hotel in Nouméa. They quickly caught the attention of the hotel management. Between frequent nocturnal comings and goings and a CRS officer caught in his underwear in the corridors, the hotel decided to sound the alarm. The Ministry of the Interior, contacted by the management, supposedly took the situation in hand. One can imagine the embarrassment on the other end of the line. But what to do when a “severe clap epidemic” threatens the smooth running of the mission? Hop, express return to the mainland for those concerned, unnoticed!
The central direction of the CRS did not take long to react to these accusations. And guess what? They deny them… en bloc! For them, there is nothing to see. Everything is false. But well, when it comes to “the clap,” it’s hard to stay cool. Le Canard insists, however, reminding that everything was done “in the utmost secrecy.” We know the tune.
The French authorities are not having an easy time. Deploying the RAID, mobile gendarmes, and CRS 8 units to quell riots is one thing. But having to manage a gonorrhea epidemic internally is quite another matter. Fortunately, gonorrhea, though inconvenient, is treatable. As a reminder, this sexually transmitted infection is quite common among young men under 30. A little trip to a club, unprotected sex, and here is the result: pain when urinating and a memory that does not fade so easily.
While the CRS management continues to deny the facts, one cannot help but wonder. If these CRS officers were indeed repatriated for such an embarrassing reason, why not own up to it? After all, it could be an opportunity to remind everyone of the importance of protection, even on a mission. Or maybe they hoped it would all go unnoticed.
The riots in New Caledonia, meanwhile, continue to rage. Since the 2020 referendum, political tension has only been growing. The presence of law enforcement remains essential. However, it seems that some priorities were somewhat diverted along the way. In any case, the burning question on everyone’s lips (and not just in New Caledonia) is simple: what will happen next?
We can count on our colleagues at Le Canard enchaîné to continue digging into this matter. The truth, as always, will eventually come out. And if it doesn’t, at least it will have made us laugh. For now, the CRS management categorically denies it. But don’t worry, the media will shed light on this strange tropical fever.